they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
