spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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