i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
