I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
