shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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