you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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