question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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