If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
