even my farts smell like vagina
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
