Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
