I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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