wanna go halves on a baby?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
