I wish i was in the wii world.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
