walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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