I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
