Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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