I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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