There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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