Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
