dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
