god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
