My underwear smells like fireworks.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
