I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
