I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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