I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
