Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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