God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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