Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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