ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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