I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
