You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
