Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
