david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
