Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize