I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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