Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
