today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
