If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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