she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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