Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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