New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
