Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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