Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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