Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
