HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
