On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
