i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My feet surprised me
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