You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
