My hand turned me down
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
