no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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