Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
