I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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