Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
