8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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