She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
