I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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