I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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