I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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