I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
