Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize