I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
