Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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