Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
