I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize