The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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