FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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