Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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