You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I got inside last night via doggy door
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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