On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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