I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize